Friday, October 28, 2005
when my world comes crumbling down.
Friday, October 21, 2005
sigh i lead such a complicated life.
sigh i lead such a complicated life.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
and today, i shall make an important post.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Dear Mommy,
Saturday, October 08, 2005
hello hello pple.
when the stars lose their light.
when the sky collapses on me.
and when death becomes absurdly attractive.
can i say,
goodbye?
etched at 8:53 PM
theres SO many things on my mind.
everything is so uncertain.
fuck la.
i should juz die.
etched at 9:34 PM
theres SO many things on my mind.
everything is so uncertain.
fuck la.
i should juz die.
etched at 9:34 PM
to some, maybe it wouldnt even make a diff la,
but to others, maybe a lil.
so.
as many of you would know.
i was supposed to go to australia to do foundation at unsw.
university of new south wales, incase you were wondering.
so, ya. i was supposed to go there after o's.
HOWEVER.
i juz found out on saturday, 15th oct 05,
that TEMASEK POLY teaches the EXACT same course.
its one year as well, lectures, tutorials are the same.
exams are also the same.
AND,
i also considered doing year 12 in australia.
finally,
i'm trying to find out if i can do year 12 in sg,
in australian international schl.
uhh, i'll give the pros and cons for each one of my options later.
so many of you will prolly be wondering,
why the hell must i do all this shiet.
why cant i juz do jc.
okay.
i have dual citizenship. so im a singaporean and an australian.
i got australian citizenship by birth (i was born there),
and i got singaporean citizenship by descent (my parents are singaporean).
the SINGAPORE government does NOT allow dual citizenship.
this means i HAVE TO give up one citizenship at the age of 21.
so i gotta try to get into unsw by 21.
why?
cuz the australian government subsidises citizens for the university education.
thats 80%, mind you. alot alot of moneh.
and if i'm in australia, i can apply for differment of renunciation of citizenship.
cuz like, im studying in australia, so sg government cant make me give up.
same thing happeneed with my sis la.
she only gave up citizenship this year i think. sept.
cuz of studies, so can differ.
okay you see.
if i do jc here.
at 16 i do sec4.
17 j1
18 j2
19 ns
20 ns
21 uni.
BUT UNI COURSE STARTS IN MARCH.
IM A FEBRUARY KID. HOW?!
thats why my pre-u course has to be ONE FRIGGIN YEAR long only.
so now i'll give you the pros and cons of the 4 choices.
1)
year 12 in sg.
cuz this isnt quite confirmed yet.
according to admin at ais (aussie international schl),
i CANT do a year 12 alone here.
it comes together with year 11.
like, wth, how come i can do year 12 alone in aussie, but not in sg.
so ya, i still gotta check with the principal of ais.
i think this choice is the best.
cuz i can stay in sg. home sweet home.
and cuz its one year too.
2)
year 12 in aussie.
its definitely one year.
theres government subsidy as well.
in taylors, its cut down by about 10k.
international students pay about 17k, but citizens do it for 7.
taylors is in sydney as well.
near unsw.
and cuz my sis is working there, it'd be quite alright la.
i mean, with my dajie to take care of me.
and mama says she'll be there too.
she needs to chalk up 2 out of 5 years of residence in aussie,
AS WELL AS have 50% of her children in aussie
in order to apply for PR.
so this can be 1 year. yup.
oh yeah, cuz year 12 exam is a state exam,
its recognized in that whole state in aussie.
which means even if i screw up and cant go unsw,
i can still make it to other unis, not so good ones,
but atleast i can get into a uni.
3)
unsw foundation in temasek poly.
well, its good cuz its in sg!
but, restrictive.
cuz unsw foundation ISNT RECOGNIZED ANYWHERE ELSE,
except unsw.
which means, if i cant get into unsw,
IM FINISHED.
to complicate it further, i gotta go for ns.
ns is TWO years.
from foundation to uni, the uni can only hold my place for ONE year.
but i can make a request for the uni to extend to another year, cuz im a citizen.
if that doesnt pull through, means i have to RE-APPLY to get into uni with my foundation score.
thats risky.
cuz like, the minimum requirements could become higher.
then if i dont do well enough, i cant get in la.
then im screwd.
4)
unsw foundation at unsw foundation. lol.
yeah, at aussie.
restrictive, as mentioned above, cuz nowhere else recognizes it.
and its far far away from home. =c
good point's that mama can chalk up time to apply for PR.
and that my sis is there too to i wont feel so lost there.
so yes, you can see im quite, uh.
in a dilemma.
theres like SO MANY THINGS to consider.
so many different choices, risks, blahblah.
like, wtf.
AND.
eeyer, i dowan to leave sji la!
its so sad can.
=c
I LOVE 403'05 TONS AND LOTS AND TRUCKLOADS.
we're the best class ever la.
most united, most fun loving.
i bet all the other classes are jealous.
AND HAH,
5IVE.
FIVE TEACHERS WORE OUR CLASS TEE DURING SEC4 FAREWELL PARALITURGY.
we're pro la.
and i'm gonna miss 403 sososososo bad. =c
the reunion in 10 years time is gonna be awesome.
okay, guess i'll end off here.
quite a long post huh.
tata for now, then.
cya world.
etched at 12:40 AM
I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap.
He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken.
I so wanted to be your little girl.
I don't quite understand what has happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.
I was in a dark, yet comfortable place.
I saw I had fingers and toes.
I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.
I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.
Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.
Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I heard Daddy yelling back.
I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.
I wondered why you cried so much.
One day you cried almost all of the day.
I hurt for you.
I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.
That same day, the most horrible thing happened.
A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.
I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.
Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,
"Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me."
Complete terror was all I felt.
I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arms off.
It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain.
It didn't stop.
Oh, how I begged it to stop.
I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.
I was in such complete pain, I knew I was dying.
I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away.
I had so many plans to make you happy.
Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered.
Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.
I wanted more than anything to be your daughter.
No use now, for I was dying a painful death.
I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you.
I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.
And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them;
I was dead;
I was gone.
I no longer felt the warmth of your body.
Everything was bright; even the monster was gone.
I did not understand.
Did you save me, Mommy?
Did you rescue me from that horrible monster that was taking me away from you?
Then, I felt myself rising.
I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.
I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.
The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap.
He said He loved me, and He was my Father.
Then I was happy.
I asked Him what the thing was that killed me.
He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is;
I guess that's the name of the monster.
I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl.
I tried very hard to live.
I wanted to live.
I had the will, but I couldn't;
the monster was too powerful.
It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me.
It was impossible to live.
I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.
I didn't want to die.
Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.
Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did.
Please be careful.
Love,
Your Baby Girl
so dont fucking abort.
etched at 10:57 PM
aiya, havent had time to blog recently.
eeyer im drowning in hw.
we have like, prelim papers from so many schls for so many subjs.
and then still got 2004 o level papers to do.
and 2005 may o level papers to do.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
im dyingg.
and oh, i got lousy 14 points for prelims.
poot.
cuz i screwd up both my humanities!
got b4 for BOTH. ARGH.
walao i was hoping i could get a2 for combined hist la.
then stupid matthews had to screw it up by marking so super strict.
and the stupid facts that laj thought us was marked WRONG. WRONG. ARGH.
i was aiming for 12. =c
ah well.
i dunno if i can get into unsw foundation. >.<
i hope can la.
okay i think im going off now.
see you, world.
pray for my o's. =)
etched at 10:59 AM